Here I am.
I haven't been here in a while, and I have to admit a few things...
I am not emotionally okay right now. I don't know if it has to do with a prescription I'm taking right now, but it's making me extremely furstrated.
I hate feeling out of the loop with this great group we have in meltdown.
I do NOT like missing out on this blog because I don't have the time to sit down on my laptop.
Everything is seeping through to my emotions and I just feel like breaking down right now, like I'm a failure, but I can't put my finger on exactly why...
I seriously hate the fact that I can't come to sweat360 more than three times a week. I found myself very unhappy this past week because I wasn't able to make it on Wednesday. I know that with school, work, homework, working out, and looking for an apartment right now I am in a big transition of everything.
I haven't even had the time to journal! and I love journaling! grrr!
I'm sitting on my bed typing all of this and I feel like a freaking whale. I don't understand it. I know that I am changing my body and that I have made progress, but in this moment I feel very physically embarrassed. I hate admitting to that and making myself sound pathetic and vulnerable.
Bleh......
On the other side I know that I am expecting to omuch of myself too fast, in a sense. I'm just emotionally not doing my best these past couple weeks and it seems to be changing all the time.... like I said, it might have to do with my prescription, but either way, I can hardly stand it right now.
I need a really hard kick in the ass right now to get through these next couple weeks and I'm working really hard to change my mind frame to make it happen.
On a lighter note, Kim is cutting my hair for me on Friday and I'm really excited. Because I have redhair everyone likes to look at it but I don't feel so great about it right now. So at least I know getting that done will help me a little.
And I relaly don't want meltdown to end. No other group at sweat360 is as empowering and leveling to the truth and honesty as we are between each other.
So, in all, things have really been off -kilter for me lately. I want to apologize for not being myself, or as involved and friendly as I usually am. Things are rampid in my mind.
With ginger love,
Jamie
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I hope you are feeling better and not beating yourself up. When I read this I was surprised because I see a beautiful young lady taking control of her life. When I first met you I thought, "wow, I wish I would have committed to something like this at her age and I wouldn't be in the position I am now". I see you as an inspiration. You also help me understand my teen because as parents we sometimes forget the pressures you are under at your age. You've got a lot going on so I can see why you get frustrated or down on yourself when you are under so much stress! Just remember when you get feeling down that others look at you totally differently than you ever see yourself. I see a stunning young lady that's so sweet, giving and kind. I can tell you care deeply for your friends and I can bet they love you for it. I couldn't believe you felt like a whale. I see you as a fit person working on getting more fit. I love watching you workout and putting your all into it! Knowing all that's going on with you girl, you should be patting yourself on the back for accomplishing what you do each day! You truly are amazing! Even if you don't feel like you are sometimes, know there are others that know you are!
ReplyDelete--Lori